Why????

I have been asked over and over again to write a blog about my experience with a daughter with SPD....Sensory Processing Disorder. I am not a medical professional. I am not a writer. I am just a Mom who was given a very special daughter to raise. I have been pushed to my limits or what I thought were my limits over the years but especially the last six months. I am happy to write that we have some better routines and I can predict most of her triggers but not all.....It is those that cause my anxiety. You just never know when they are going to blow. You sit on pins and needles waiting to see if they will get through meals, getting dressed and sometimes just getting out of the house. I thought for a long time it was parenting. I mean that is what everyone told me....Have you tried this, have you tried this...It wasn't until I had two other daughters behind her that I knew something just wasn't right. I know that is horrible to say about your own child and believe me there were so many times during all this that I hoped and prayed it was just that I was a "bad Mom" Being a Mom to any child is selfless but I assure you being a mom to a child with SPD takes it to a new level. I am not even sure where I should start except to say that you aren't alone....I know I felt so alone. The only person I really had was a sister in law who was on the phone 1,000 miles away. She was such a source of strength for me. Complete unconditional love. There were moments when I didn't know how I was going to continue with this....There is no cure and there is no clear cut diagnosis which makes it impossible. Doctor after Doctor gave me different diagnosis and different treatment plans. See for most kids with SPD they have learned to cope so most people either think they have no issues (because they usually save those rages for Mom) or they just need some discipline. Crazy....Am I crazy? This was what I asked myself over and over. I think what prompted me to write this that tomorrow is my son's 1st Communion. My husband's parents have flown in to attend. All my family will be there and I may not get to go....Why? because I can't guarantee that I will be able to cover all her triggers to get her out of the house. We also have the added stress that if you mess with an SPD kid's routine you better duck for cover. Well, although my daughter loves her grandparents she really has a hard time keeping it together.....So here's my challenge....Get myself and 3 girls out the door with my inlaws here. They have never really seen one of her fits. I have to just put my trust in Christ as I attempt this. My son is going to receive the Eucharist for the first time tomorrow and we are so proud. Will I be there? Maybe. It is in God's hands....As I have made this journey with my sweet girl I have learned so much about myself. I have found strength that I never had. I have been so covered by God in all that I have needed. I was so blessed to find an amazing therapist (LCSW) and an Occupational Therapist. I thank God for them every day. I know that my daughter has a very specific purpose in this life of hers. I know that we were handpicked by God for each other and through all the frustrations and humbling times I thank God for her my sweet daughter.